The Wonderful World of The Task Force?
by BambiLuran
Summary: The taskforce (mainly Light and L) seem to get into some kind of trouble on a daily basis...Good thing Watari is there to save the day...most of the time.
1. L do you know

Summary: Light and L get themselves into weird situations...and stuff.

* * *

"Ryuzaki, I have to go to the bathroom."

"Light-kun went to the bathroom eight minutes and forty-five seconds ago."

"I have to go again!"

"Wait."

"I can't just wait! You know I drank a lot of water today!"

"I don't keep track of the fluids that enter Light-kun's body."

"The fluids are about to LEAVE my body!"

"Hm...yes. I will allow Light-kun to go to the bathroom." Light tugged on the chain and pulled L over to the bathroom, Light closed the door as best as he could with the chain in it.

"Light-kun!" L yelled.

"What?!"

"I cannot reach my pocky in this position."

"Just wait a minute."

"Light-kun!"

"What?!" Light came out of the bathroom and they started to walk back.

"Light-kun is very hostile. Ten percent."

"It was just four percent!"

"Twelve."

"On what grounds?!"

"Light-kun is being mean."

"You're so difficult to live with."

"Light-kun is the one who insists on fixing his hair every twelve minutes."

"Well EXCUSE me for wanting to look nice."

"Thirteen percent."

"Why?!"

"Light-kun is vain."

"I'm NOT Kira! And don't you dare say fourteen percent!" L stared at Light for a long moment and then went to sit in his chair. L turned to his computer screen.

"How do you know I wasn't going to say twenty percent?" Light glared at L. He glared for a long while. It was one of those good, long glares. Then it was over.

"...Ryuzaki?"

"Light-kun."

"A new bakery just opened down the street...we should check it out."

"So you can trap me by forcing me to consume great amounts of sweets and trick me into your little Kira death trap by making me reveal my name and give you a picture of my face by forcing me to add you on Facebook?"

"That is the last thing on my mind."

"But it still makes the list of your thoughts. Even if the very last of them. I have now proved that Light-kun is Kira."

"...Are you okay Ryuzaki?" L looked at Light and shook his head.

"I haven't slept for a week...Is that normal?"

"...No. It's very unhealthy, actually. You should get at least eight hours of quality sleep a day."

"Great...more helpful advice from Light-kun."

"I'm just trying to help..."

"I think I'm losing my mind...how does it feel to be insane?"

"I don't really know..."

"Does Light-kun think Kira is insane?"

"..."

"Does Light-kun consider himself to be insane?"

"...No."

"Is Light-kun sure?"

"Go to sleep Ryuzaki."

"That's the problem. I can't sleep."

"Just try."

"No! I SAID I CAN'T! ARGHHHH!" L fell to the floor.

"Ryuzaki!"

"I think I'm suffering from insomnia." L muttered. Light shook his head.

"Get some sleeping pills or something."

"And Light-kun is probably going to offer to go to the pharmacy to buy these SLEEP PILLS! But they'll REALLY be DEATH PILLS! PILLS OF DEATH! TO KILL ME!"

"...Ryuzaki...you really need some sleep..." A few minutes later, L fell asleep on the floor. That night, when everybody was gone(or sleeping in L's case), Matsuda and Light found some of L's sweets. They ate to their heart's content...and then they got hyper...

Light POV

"Let's draw on L's face..." I said. Matsuda giggled.

"Yeah! That sounds awesome, Light!"

"Ok, ok...hehe...let's go...shhh...hehe..." We snuck into the room, silently. I pulled out a black marker. L seemed to be in a deep sleep. I carefully drew a handlebar mustache on him. We laughed loudly.

Hey wait a minute...

When did the handcuffs come off? Meh...I don't care.

"When I was little, I wanted to be a genie." I admitted. Matsuda stared at me.

"Me too, Light...wow...we have so much in common!"

"Because one day, I was watching Aladdin, and I thought to my self 'That is so awesome...wow' and I've wanted to be one ever since..."

"I cried watching Beauty and the Beast, did you cry?"

"How could I not cry?! It was so beautiful."

"...I think I love you, Light..."

"...This is amazing! We're having a bromance!"

"I love you bro!" We hugged for about five minutes.

"I'm hungry...let's go make macaroni and cheese." I said.

"I don't know how to make macaroni..." Matsuda said sadly.

"It's okay, man...we'll get through this. That's what bros are for!" I called my mom.

"Hello?" She said sleepily.

"Mom. How do I make macaroni?"

"...Why are you making macaroni at four in the morning?"

"I'm hungry." I said. She yawned.

"Uhh...you have to use milk..." She hung up.

"Ok! Matsuda! We need the following: milk, noodles, cheese, barbeque sauce, yarn, baking soda, cinnamon, a lock of Ryuzaki's hair, and...sugar cookies."

"...We're putting sugar cookies in the macaroni?"

"No...I just like sugar cookies." I explained.

* * *

We had gotten all of the ingredients except one. A lock of L's hair. We crept into the room again and approached the sleeping detective. Somehow the window had opened itself and...music was coming in from the street below...It...It was...

"This is...my jam..." I said.

* * *

Matt: You learned that word from me.

Light_:...I can't believe that word just came out of my mouth..._

* * *

Matsuda and I ran out of the building to see what was going on. Apparently, a block party was going on...

* * *

I woke up the next day...on the floor...chained to L...

He was sitting in his computer chair, staring at his laptop screen. I wonder why I'm on the floor.

"Do you know what happened last night?" I asked L.

"Light-kun brought shame to his family. Shame." He shook his head.

"...What did I do?"

"What _didn't_ Light-kun do would be a better question." He turned to look at me.

"Umm...Ryuzaki?"

"Yes."

"You have a little something...on your face."

"Yes. Yes I do. That little something on my face would be the mustache Light-kun and Matsuda drew on me at four o' clock in the morning."

"Oh..."

"Oh indeed. Does Light-kun even remember any of it?"

"...I remember...I think Matsuda and I...Hmm...I think we started a conga line...the rest is blurry..." I held my head.

"Did you happen to eat those sweets from the kitchen, which, by the way was a mess this morning?"

"...Yeah...so?"

"Yes. I thought so...those were drugged. Light-kun took drugs last night."

"Why the hell were the pastries drugged?"

"...Why did Light-kun eat things that don't belong to him?"

"...I was hungry..."

"Light-kun's friend Angelo called this morning."

"...Who?"

"Angelo. Light-kun's friend he made at the block party last night."

"..."

"Remember? The old creepy man Light-kun met and found appropriate to hug. I found out this morning that Angelo is an undertaker. Watari dragged Light-kun and Matsuda out of Angelo's hearse this morning."

"I was in a creepy old man's hearse?"

"Correct. He called and said 'It was fun while it lasted. I'll come visit you later' in a very deep voice. Would Light-kun like to see the video of his actions last night?"

"...I think I'll pass." Now, on top of everything I already have to deal with, I have some weirdo named Angelo looking for me...

Matsuda walked in. L proceeded to tell him about how we brought shame to our families last night.

"Did I really do all that?" Matsuda asked. L nodded. My father walked in and shook his head at me. He then stared at L's face.

"Ryuzaki...you have something on your face."

"Yes. I know."

* * *

A/N Review!


	2. gods of death love apples

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note.

L POV

I go to sleep for a few hours and Light ruins everything. I can't even blame Matsuda because he's an idiot. This is Light's fault. Now, this freak Angelo knows where Light is. He can't get in the building, but it is still a liability. I wonder if Light will kill Angelo. Light could have told him information he didn't need to know...At this moment, I'm not sure if Matsuda is the _only_ idiot on the task force.

Light POV

I glanced over at L. What was he doing with drugged sweets anyway? L is an odd man. My father is more than a little angry with me because of my actions last night. He just keeps looking over at me and shaking his head. It would help if I knew what the hell I did...but if it made him this ashamed, I'm not sure I want to know...

_I wonder if Matsuda remembers any of it..._

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER

"There is a man outside throwing potatoes." I said. L continued to look at his computer screen.

"Would Light-kun like me to persuade this potato man to stop?"

"It would be nice...but he already broke two of the windows in my car."

"When did Light-kun get a car?"

"That's a very good question." There was an awkward silence.

"Does Light-kun intend on answering it...today?"

"Oh yeah, I woke up one morning...and it was just there. It had my name on it and everything."

"Did it have a big red ribbon on it?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

"There was no name, so I don't know who it's from."

"Perhaps it's from Light-kun's friend Angelo."

"...Ryuzaki."

"Yes?"

"That's not funny." L got out of his computer chair and started out the room, dragging me along.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To end this potato nonsense." We left the building and walked to the man with the sack of potatoes. He stopped throwing potatoes around and looked at us.

"Problem?" He asked.

"I must insist you stop your throwing of vegetables." L said. The man stared at us and then threw a potato at Aizawa, who was on his way into HQ. Aizawa rubbed his head and kept going. It probably would have hurt more if he didn't have the afro.

L dropkicked the man...which I found very unneccessary. When we were walking back to headquarters, I asked L a question.

"Where did you learn to dropkick people?"

"Internet."

* * *

L stood there staring intently at the screen in front of him. He was sure Light had to be Kira. He glanced over at the teen, who was staring at the handcuffs that linked them together. L bit his thumb, a habit of his.

Meanwhile, Watari was thinking about how he would break the bad news to L. They had run out of cake. Watari had been so busy with other things, he had forgotten to go to the bakery. He would have to go out soon, he was afraid to see what might happen to L if he was deprived of sweets too long...

"This is really bad..." Watari said to himself, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Watari, bring me some shortcake please." Watari panicked and turned off the screen with L's face on it. He sighed. This is bad. _Really_ bad. L appeared back on the screen.

"Did you just hang up on me?" L asked.

"No!" Watari said and hung up again. _Hmm..._Watari thought to himself. _Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to get L to eat healthier_._ At this rate, L was probably going to have a heart attack with or without Kira's assistance..._

Watari started to prepare L a plate of _yummy_ vegetables. When he was done making it, he brought it to L and sat it in front of him. L stared at it.

"..._What is this_?" L asked.

"A veggie plate."

"..._Why_?"

"So you won't be hungry."

"...Are you upset with me? Am I being punished?"

"I'm trying to help you."

"...By _poisoning_ me?"

"Vegetables aren't poison."

"...Why do you hate me? What did I do?"

"I'm doing this for your health."

"...Surely this can't be healthy, Watari."

"Just eat it."

"Why can't I have cake?"

"...Because I said so."

"I'm truly sorry for whatever terrible thing I did to deserve this, but please don't make me eat it."

"You didn't do anything wrong." Watari took the fork on the plate, picked up a piece of broccoli with it, and attempted to feed it to L. Before the evil vegetable could touch L's lips, he flung himself out of his computer chair, dragging Light with him.

"It's not going to hurt you!" Watari yelled. L shook his head.

"I'm not ready to die! Take Light-kun instead!" Light facepalmed.

"Vegetables are very good for you, Ryuzaki." Light explained. L would have none of this vegetable nonsense.

"Did you dip them in evil?" L asked.

"What does that even mean?" Watari asked.

"You know how people say pickles are just cucumbers dipped in evil? I think it's something like that, but it probably got a little messed up in his head." Light said.

Watari and Light then tied L to his chair. Watari slowly moved toward L with the piece of broccoli.

"NOT THE BROCCOLI! ANYTHING BUT THE BROCCOLI! NOOOOOO!"

Then L woke up.

"You looked like you were having an interesting dream." Light said.

"Yes. Yes I was."

* * *

"Ryuzaki, where are my clothes?!"

"I would assume Light-kun's clothes are in his closet."

"Except that they aren't. Is this your way of getting back at me?"

"Hm. Why would I want to 'get back' at you?"

"Because I accidentally took your potato chip and ate it." _Light-kun did WHAT?_

"So Light-kun was behind my potato chip's mysterious disappearance..." L murmured.

"No...it was Matsuda." Light said. Somewhere in the world, Matsuda whimpered.

"Does Light-kun really expect me to believe such a lie? I know Light-kun is the one that likes taking potato chips and eating them."

"Are you accusing me of-" Light was cut off.

"Yes, I am accusing you of being Kira and a petty thief."

"I'm not Kira!"

"But you admit to being a thief."

"I didn't admit...I didn't know it was yours."

Aizawa POV

Light and L are seriously arguing about a _potato chip_...something is wrong with them. It's not even a_ bag_ of potato chips. It's _one_ chip. _SINGULAR_. I hope I'm not the only one that finds this ridiculous.

* * *

"What have you learned about Angelo?" Light asked L.

"Judging by these pictures, Angelo must be a frequent customer at the ugly sweater store."

"Be serious for a minute, L." L looked up at Light and handed him the laptop.

"_Damn_ that sweater is ugly..." Light murmured, handing the laptop back. It appeared that Angelo, did indeed, shop at the ugly sweater store.

"I only found records of him in America...that is perhaps something to be worried about. Also, he is not really a mortician, he's just likes hanging around in funeral homes and kidnapping handsome young men."

_What the hell? _Light thought.

"Did I mention he was a wanted criminal?"

"...No. You left out that last part..."


	3. All that is Just

L POV

If Light kills Angelo, I might be able to finally prove that he is Kira...

Light POV

L probably thinks I'm going to kill Angelo...so I won't.

"Can we take these handcuffs off?" I asked L. He shook his head.

"No. The handcuffs stay on."

"Why?"

"We wouldn't want Light-kun to bring even _more_ shame to his family, now would we?"

"No..."

"So you admit you have no self-control?"

"No!"

* * *

I escaped from L by breaking the handcuffs. The first thing I did was go home to visit my mom and Sayu. Sayu opened the door and smiled.

"Hey Light! Where ya been?"

"...Out."

"Tell me! Ohhh what have you been doing Light?! Can I go with you next time?!"

"...Maybe." I wonder what would happen if Sayu took my place and I handcuffed HER to L.

...Nevermind. Handcuffing a fourteen year old girl to a twenty something year old man is almost always a bad idea.

"Come in! I have so much to tell you! My life has been so crazy lately!" _Her_ life is crazy? All she does is go to school, come home, pretend to study, gossip with her friends, and shop. Meanwhile, I'm juggling school and trying to become god of the new world with my magical notebook, I have a mental patient-I mean detective watching me at all times, I have to constantly watch Misa Amane so she doesn't do anything stupid or let out our secret, I have to make sure that my family never finds out that I'm Kira, there is always a large shinigami looking over my shoulder and casting shadows that only I can see, I have to deal with yet _another_ shinigami who likes giving me death threats, I have to make sure that I'm not seen with Misa in public, I have to make sure that no one can connect me to my death note, I have a lot of other problems, but I know you probably don't have time for me to stand here and tell you the complete list.

Maybe I should try therapy...

But then I would have to kill the therapist...which would only add to my list of problems.

"Where is mom?" I asked.

"She went to the store."

"...Okay, bye." I started walking back to the door, but Sayu grabbed my arm and pulled me to the kitchen table. _Do you ever feel like you're being watched?_

"Oh no! You're going to stay and listen to my interesting life. Okay, so yesterday Chika told me that Aya said that Yumi told her that I dress badly! So then, I told Aya to tell Aimi that I said that Yumi smells like ham. After that, Chika said that we had a history test, and it's your fault that I failed it." _I feel like I'm being watched._

"...What?" _I'm getting a strong feeling that I'm being watched by someone who isn't Ryuk, Rem, Misa, or L._

"Chika said that we had a history test and it's your fault I failed it." _Why would someone watch me?_

"...Chika said it's _my_ fault?" _Being watched by an unknown being is uncomfortable._

"No!_ I_ said it's your fault!"

"...What does this have to do with Chika?"

"Chika said it! You're smart, Light! You should at least be able to understand the story!"

"...You went from talking about ham to a history test. How does one go about grasping the topic of this conversation?" I said. She sighed angrily. I just remembered that this is the exact reason I don't have conversations with Sayu anymore. Poor child turned 13 and went crazy.

She continued talking, and eventually my gaze went out the kitchen window.

...When did a bush grow outside of that window? Since when do bushes move by themselves? Since _never_. There is a being disguised as a bush outside.

This being is watching me. I can see it's eyes. It's big blue eyes.

I gasped.

"It's Angelo..." I whispered to myself. Maybe I'm just paranoid...

"...Who's Angelo?" Sayu asked. I shook my head.

"...I have to go make a call." A call to the S.W.A.T. Team., the Army, the Airforce, and the Navy. This man needs to be captured immeadiately. Then, when he goes to jail for being a creep, I'll have Kira kill him.

But then L will say that I'm Kira because Angelo died at a convenient time...

And then he'll know that I know that he knows that I know that I'm Kira...

Wait. No. He'll know that I know that he knows that I know I killed Angelo...

That still sounds wrong for some reason. I'll try again.

He'll know that I know that he knows...

Nevermind. I quit.

Obviously, you're still reading this so I'm just gonna go ahead and continue telling you about my problems.

L is the roadblock on my path to victory, which basically means I need to find a way to get rid of him. Soon. I have to balance being a god with the rest of my life. I have to deal with being handcuffed to an odd man. Everyday. L likes to argue with me constantly and get on my nerves because he knows I'm not in the position to do anything about it.

* * *

As I walked out of the house, I watched my back. As I walked down the stairs and out of the gate, I noticed something.

I walked here.

I sighed deeply and started to walk back. All the while, taking nervous glances all around. After walking for a while, I started to feel more comfortable and slowed my hurried pace.

Until I heard rustling in the bushes.

Misa POV

As I was walking toward Light's house, I heard a little girl screaming. Out of the kindness of my heart, I decided to go help the screaming girl. When I got closer to the screaming, I realized where it was coming from...

Light ran past me with incredible speed and his screams went with him. Confused, I stood there to figure out my thoughts.

What would make the god of the new world scream like a girl? No, let me rephrase that, _scream like a bitch_.

"Excuse me, Miss. Have you seen a boy running through here? A cute, young, fellow?" A man came out of the bushes and asked me. He was tall and had his long blonde hair tied into a ponytail. He looked to be around thirty years old.

"Was he wearing a black dress shirt and a blue tie?"

"Yes, that's him."

"He went that way." I pointed in the direction Light ran. The man ran away.

Hmm...that was weird.

* * *

Light POV

I ran until I got inside the Taskforce Headquarters. I had never been that scared in my life...except for the time I walked in on my mom naked when I was ten.

You can't unsee what has been seen. Please pass the brain bleach.

I walked in the room, still breathing heavily.

"Light-kun's special friend called." L said as I entered. I sighed.

"He's not special...or my friend."

"Light-kun assumes I'm speaking about Angelo."

"Then who were you talking about?"

"Angelo, of course."

"..._What_?"

"Misa also called. She wanted to know if you had talked to your friend. She pointed him in your direction."

"I'm going to go take a nap."

"...But Light-kun said he would watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air with me."

"Maybe tomorrow."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 

L: The end of another chapter...how sad.

Light: I'm glad it's over.

Misa: Misa finally got a part in the story!

L: I wonder what the next one will be about...

Light: Probably nothing. Just like the other chapters.

Matt, Mello, Near: Maybe we'll be in it.

L:...You're in the wrong story...GET OUT!

Matt: Nope. We're here to stay.

Light: Who gave them the address to this building?

Mello: We read it in Matsuda's diary.

Light: Matsuda has a diary?

L: It's filled with drama. It's actually interesting.

Matt: Tales of far off places, damsels in distress, and peanut butter.

Light: But Matsuda is allergic to peanut butter...

Near: Exactly.

L: Read, review, favorite and follow.

Matt: And if I don't?

L: I wasn't talking to you, Matt.

Matt: Oh.


End file.
